The Perfect Day

Yes, it does happen once in a great while. I had the perfect day today. First off, Robert gave Tyler his "long" breathing treatment this morning, and that went perfectly. My little angel just sat through it with no problems whatsoever. We put on Little Bear, and he breathed in his medicine and watched the show very calmly. Then, I got ready, packed up a bunch of stuff, and headed to Paul's house to set up his new Dell computer that I helped him order on-line a week or so ago. Everything went perfectly. The initial registration went well, then all the software installs that I did for him, and setting up his email, and his dial-up connection. All went perfectly. Tyler was pretty good. Thank goodness Mother was there to keep an eye on him while Paul and I busily worked on getting his computer set up. Tyler was a good boy at Paul's and even took his other breathing treatment with no problem. He even *leaned* towards the inhalation mask as I started it up, which I was very surprised about. It was almost like he *wanted* it - as if he knew that it's helping him. Then, it was close to 2:00, and we were headed back home. I planned on taking Mother back home, then heading to my house to give Tyler his long-overdue nap, then we were talking about it, and we decided that it was time to try to indoctrinate Tyler into napping at Nana's house (or anywhere besides his own crib). So, we decided that today was as good a day as any to try this. So off to Nana's house we headed, rather than me heading home just to give him a nap, then heading to her house later anyway, which was already in the plans. So, we got to Mother's house, and I put him in his new "big boy" toddler bed that we've had in "his" room for some time now, and he's only played on until now. I told him before we got there that he was going to take a nap at Nana's house today rather than going home (we were trying to "prep" him for this big experience). For those of you that have children who sleep anywhere, this is probably not something that is a big deal to you. You probably won't understand my elation in telling you this story, but for me (us) it was an EXTREMELY big deal. So we got to Nana's house, and I put him in his toddler bed, and I told him it was time for a nap. I said all the things I say to him at home, and I left the room, pulling the door almost closed. Then, I listened, and sort of peaked through the crack in the door. He got up the first time and started playing with his new Weebles Treehouse that Nana got him for Christmas. I came back in, and said, no, it's time for a nap. He jumped back up into the bed. This happened a couple more times where I had to go in and tell him that it wasn't playtime, that it was naptime, and he would immediately jump right back into the bed. He obviously knew exactly what I was telling him. He just didn't understand completely that it wasn't playtime. Usually when we go to Nana's, he plays and has fun, but has never slept there. One time, he came all the way out into the living room. Grandma (his great-grandmother) was in her chair, and she said, "Hi Doll!" like she always says to him, and I said, "Tyler, you need to get back in your bed!" and he turned around very quickly and ran back to his room and back into the bed. So I followed him back in there, and had a "talk" with him again, telling him that he needed to nap, and that if he didn't go to sleep here, that I was going to take him home and have to put him down for a nap in his crib. I hated even saying that because I know that you have to carry through with this sort of thing, or they will start to realize that your statements (threats) mean nothing. And I didn't want to have to do that since I planned on being there for dinner with him that night anyway. So after I told him that, he layed on the bed and didn't get up again! I peaked in on him several times more, and each time he would be laying there in the bed, not asleep, but not getting up to play either. Finally, I peaked in on him again, and he had finally fallen asleep! I came out to the living room, and Mother and I did high-fives to each other. This was such a MAJOR milestone for him to sleep there. Unless you have a child who only has slept in their crib, you probably don't understand how happy we were today. He slept for 2 solid hours. Then he got up and wanted to play. We all praised him for "napping at Nana's house" and then I gave him his next breathing treatment, which went extremely well, and then he ate a good dinner (which he hasn't been eating well lately due to being sick), and then he played, and it was just a fabulous day. He is such a good boy. I have the perfect child. I really do. I am so proud of my boy right now. He is handling everything so well. And I know he understands everything I was saying to him today about napping there. And the breathing treatments.... well.... talk about a night-and-day difference between today and yesterday at the doctor's office. He is just the sweetest thing. I really couldn't ask for a more perfect child. I love him dearly.

Breathing Treatments

Well, Tyler has been coughing for a little over a week now. I had emailed the pediatrician last week, thinking he might have the croup again, and the doctor didn't want to prescribe any steroids again unless he saw him. And the cough wasn't really that bad or frequent then--maybe 4 times a day, he'd cough. So, the doctor just said keep an eye on it, and give him some of the previously prescribed cough medicine. Well, in the last few days, his cough changed from that barky seal sound of last week to a more deep, gutteral-sounding cough. Plus, when he coughs, it is like he is having a coughing fit sometimes. So, I took him in today, thinking he would just get the pink stuff (Zithromax antibiotic), or that he would say he had the croup and give him steroids again. No such luck. He heard wheezing deep down in his lungs. The wheezing was something that concerned him because when you wheeze, it means you are having trouble breathing. So, he figured a virus of some sort (he said it doesn't matter what kind) might've started it last week, and now he probably has a bacterial infection down in his lungs, making him go into these coughing fits. (Do I have the bacterial vs. virus thing backwards?) He said it could even be the RSV virus, which I guess can get really bad. Apparently, if you don't get this cleared up, they can actually DIE from something like this. The nurse explained it more later (during the breathing treatment, which I'm about to get to.) She said it's like the air going through your lungs into your bronchial tubes is restricted, making the wheezing sound, which makes it hard for him to breath. And as you know, if it's hard to breath, you can die. When she said that, I listened.

So, on to the breathing treatments. Like I said I thought I'd be in there and out with a prescription. Nuh-uh. The first nurse brings in a nebulizer, which is an air compressor that you hook a tube to, and it has a cup for medicine, then it connects to a mask which you place on their face. The mask then gives out a mist of medicine which they breath. A harmless contraption, really, at least to an ADULT. For a child Tyler's age (almost 2), it had to be one of the most frightening things. Especially, when she showed me how to use it, then turned it on, and it sounded like an, ummmm, air compressor. Then, this mist started coming from the face mask. (By the way, see previous post on how fond Tyler is of face masks. Yes, a different type, but a mask nonetheless, which he didn't like when Mother put it on her face one night to try to show him there was nothing to be afraid of.) At this point, she had already shown me how I must HOLD my child (read: restrain) in order to be able to keep this mask on his face for FIFTEEN MINUTES. I had to have him in my lap facing left, his left arm behind me, my right arm around his back holding his right arm, and the face mask in my left hand, and as he struggled with his head frantically going back and forth, I was supposed to hold the face mask on his face. At this point, he starts screaming of course. Loud noise, mist, being held down, no way! That's when the second nurse came in and in the middle of all of this, starts giving me advice, and telling me all this stuff I really needed to know (I'm not kidding). I finally just took the face mask off of him (like it was being real effective anyway) and said that that just WASN'T the time to be telling me all this stuff. I said I could only hear about half of what she was saying anyway, with him screaming, plus, how could I concentrate. So, the compressor got turned off, and that's when she gave me a very good education and a long dissertation on why this treatment was necessary (see previous paragraph), and I was really impressed with how she explained all of it. You don't want to stop in the middle of it because then they will realize that if they cry, you will stop it. She said that "most" kids will calm down after the first few treatments and won't struggle anymore. She said to find a comfy spot, put on a video that comforts him, or whatever, and eventually, he would just calm down and breath the medicine.

So, Robert and I did a treatment tonight. I put on Little Bear. I got in my rocking chair with him on my lap. Tyler did succumb pretty easily. It was nothing like in the doctor's office today. I think it will be fine.

Here's the kicker though. This has to go on for TWELVE DAYS. 4 times/day for 3 days, then 3 times/day for 3 days, then 2 times/day for 3 days, then 1 time/day for 3 days. There are two separate liquid medicines that get put into this thing. Different ones at different times. Luckily, only the doses with both medicines are the 15-minute treatments. The other ones with just one of the medicines is only around a 7-minute treatment.

I think it will be fine, but I swear, I had my doubts in the doctor's office today. Try holding a struggling child down, forcing something like this on them. It just breaks your heart. He was screaming. I was crying. It was horrible. I know it's necessary though, and it will be fine.

This parenting stuff just doesn't get any easier, does it?

Family Christmas Pictures

Tyler with his new toolset!


The flash failed to work on my non-BAMF camera, so I removed most of the hue and saturation to make this a sepia-toned picture. Whatever works. I thought this was a good picture of Mother.


And I did the same with this one of Tyler. A little blurry, but I love his poised stance. He was posing for the camera! :)


Tyler in his new wagon that Nana (Awa) got him. He loves it!

And here he is playing with his new treehouse.

I took way more video than I did pictures. It is hard to try to open presents, get Tyler to open presents, take pictures, AND take video at the same time. And of course, I'm in very few of them. I think Robert got some video of my underwear as I was leaning to grab another present for Tyler to open. I'm sure Tyler will appreciate that when he's older. Oh, look! There's a crotch shot of Mama! Greaaat. How come it seems like I'm the only one that can take decent camcorder footage? And how come I always have to ASK for someone to shoot the terrible footage (namely, Robert). Actually, he is getting a little better. When he first started using the camcorder, he would jerk around so much that when you'd watch it back, you'd get dizzy.

Professional Pics

Ok, since I can't get these pictures to post any other way, I'll post some of them here. These are a few of the professional pictures we had taken this year.

Thank you Wal-Mart for centering this one so nicely. This is my Mother, Tyler, and I. It was such a good picture though, I still had to buy it.


Tyler with his little hands just going.


Me and Robert.


Me and Tyler. Ain't we adorable?


And I love this one of Tyler. What a handsome boy!


Oh, and here's Tyler's crying Santa picture. I guess all kids have to have one of these? I wonder why we torment our children into doing this.


And of course as soon as Mama Extraordinaire stepped in, he calmed right down. If I'd have known I was getting MY picture taken that day, I would've done something with my hair. Anyway, he still doesn't look happy, but at least he isn't screaming.

More Fred Thoughts

Perhaps Fred was mad because I gave a Christmas list (like I always do) even though we had all said it was going to be a "frugal" Christmas. "Frugal" doesn't mean we aren't buying ANYTHING - it means we are not buying AS MUCH. And so I made the list, which is a list of small, inexpensive items. And the last 3 on the list were jokes, for real, like the Porsche that I used to put on my Christmas list. PLUS, a list doesn't mean buy everything on it. It is a list to CHOOSE from. At any rate, he can kiss my royal ass. Tyler's Christmas "gift" from him was the plane ticket. That has nothing to do with MY Christmas "list", and I am paying for my plane ticket anyway! Actually, ROBERT is paying for MY plane ticket. That is what I asked Robert to get me for Christmas, which means, I'll probably get a gift-wrapped wad of money on Christmas Day.... so the $250 check I wrote Fred tonight was only to help his ass out. I had planned on doing that tonight anyway, even though I won't be getting my "gift" from Robert until Christmas.

And lastly, if he had a problem along these lines AT ALL, why not DISCUSS it with me? Why not try communication instead of yelling. I'm so sick of his ass, I could just scream. I didn't do a damned thing wrong tonight, and I got yelled at, and my son had to hear it. I don't appreciate it one damn bit.

Jerk.

Another Fred Meltdown

For several months now, we've been discussing how it would be nice for Tyler and I to be able to go to Acapulco with my Mother and Fred (and Paul, friend of the family). They all usually go in Oct/Nov, and again in Feb. I have gone many times in the past, but Tyler has never been. So, Fred decided he'd give Tyler a Christmas/Birthday present and he'd buy HIS plane ticket. I'd pay for mine. Sounded like a reasonable deal to me. And of course, he and my Mother have been SO excited about us going, especially to see "Bubbles" (that's what Fred calls Tyler) in the pool. Bottom line is, Fred has been exceptionally excited about the whole trip and really wanted for us to go, so he bought Tyler's ticket, and that should be the end of it. No. He has to continually bring it up to me. Like I owe him something. Or like I should bow down to him and thank him for doing it over and over. I've already thanked him (them) for buying his ticket. I do owe him for mine, and I planned on paying for it.

Tonight, we weren't even discussing this, but somehow in his mind, it was time to really come down on me and stick his finger in my face. We were talking about how the presents that everyone had gotten for Tyler could easily be divided between Christmas and Tyler's birthday which is at the end of January. Mother agreed. Fred pipes up about how this was supposed to be a "frugal" Christmas, and then brings up the plane ticket thing again. I said how WE knew about the plane ticket, but that TYLER didn't understand that, so of course we have to get him gifts too. Then the "tone" in his voice started. I knew we were headed down a wrong road. Frankly, at this point, I really don't know exactly what went wrong. Next thing I know, I'm telling him he's throwing a guilt trip at me. Then he jumps off the stool and sticks his finger in my face, and says, "Don't you turn this around on me!" and says how I'm doing this because "I just can't stand it..." Mother, can you clarify? Because, really, I just did not understand any of this. I was thrown for a loop. All I know is he's telling me I'm a pain in the ass, and yelling like a wild man at the top of his lungs, IN FRONT OF TYLER AGAIN (which majorly pisses me off). I packed up and got the hell out of there as fast as I could (like I always do). That was after calmly telling him to "think about Tyler and get out of my face." as he went on the back patio and slammed the sliding glass door really hard.

He gets his panties in a wad over the craziest of things. I still don't know exactly what happened. Perhaps my Mother can clear it up on her blog.

I did tell him that I'd planned on writing a check to him tonight for part of my plane ticket. And I did. I wrote it for half of my ticket. Then he throws the check back at me saying he doesn't want it. WTF? He was saying something about how I had said I had bills to write (which I do). Specifically, I have the big end-of-the-year bills to write (City of Garland, Property Tax, and that other one they kill you with). But this wasn't even being discussed tonight. Mother and I were trying to ask him where all this was coming from and that we weren't even talking about all that! Then he says how I brought it up to him TWO WEEKS ago! SO??? Did he think that just because I said I had the BIG BILLS to write that I wasn't going to pay him for MY PORTION of the plane ticket? Of course not! And besides, what the FUCK did that have to do with our discussion of halving up Tyler's Christmas/Birthday presents?

The way I see it is if you give a GIFT to someone, it's just that. He had wanted to buy Tyler a Christmas/Birthday gift of a plane ticket for Feb. to Acapulco... which they did. Then he has to throw it in my face at every opportunity. If you're going to get a gift, don't make the recipient feel like they owe you something at every turn. And, certainly, don't throw another whole conversation into the mix, just to get out some frustration that has APPARENTLY been building in your brain. If he wanted some money for MY portion of the plane ticket, he could've just asked. Was that what that was all about? I have no clue. I just know he needs killin'.

When I left, my Mother was out back telling him to SHUT UP! I just hope there isn't a huge argument between them.

The shame of all this is that this means I probably won't be going over there for awhile. And Tyler SO loves going over there. And believe it or not, I so much like taking him over there. It has been so refreshing lately to see what a difference he has made in everyone's lives, most especially Fred's. Mother and I always talk about how much Fred LOVES Tyler. They dance around the living room, and just have the best time! It is such a shame that I can love Fred so much in one minute, and want him dead in the next. He is just that type of person.

Helluva Mess

I'm in a helluva mess. I don't think I got any real sleep last night. I was up with cramps from hell. Plus, the last week or so, I've had this itchy rash on my back and stomach--same thing Tyler has (his is clearing up with putting lots of lotion on him and not bathing him but every other day). It's this damn hell hole they call Texas that's doing it. Paul H. has something similar. And Mother has also some sort of itchy rash she's been dealing with. We have one of the dryest years on record. There's like NO humidity in the air. It's also killing my sinuses. I have a perpetual sinus infection anyway, then with the dryness, it is killing me. Last night I was spraying some of Tyler's saline spray up my nose just to get some moisure in my sinus cavities. I also usually put vaseline up my nose at night with a q-tip. This place just sucks. Might as well be living in the desert. So between the itching from the rash, the cramps, and the dry sinus cavities, last night was awful. Today I have cramps from hell too. Robert has to work. He left, then came back because Steve got tied up somewhere. Now he's gone again. No rest even when he was here for like that 1/2 or 45 minutes. I could hear everything that was going on. Then I had to get up to tell him it was time for Tyler to eat (he should know the schedule by now. Men are so helpless sometimes). Then I had to get up to give him some ideas on what to feed him because I could hear Tyler raising a fuss. Tyler also has the croup again, I'm pretty sure. He has been doing the barking seal for 2 days now. Not real bad thank goodness, but I did send an email to the pediatrician to see if they might want to refill the prednisolone.

Fun fun fun. Someone shoot me please.

Scared of Faces

So, for years now, I've had these "faces" that I've purchased from time to time when I'd visit New Orleans. They are Mardi Gras faces. I have had them on the wall since, like, forever. Even before moving to Texas which has been over 10 years ago. So, bottom line is, Tyler has seen them. Or at least they've been there since he was born, and way before that. All of a sudden, since yesterday, he is now scared of the faces. I couldn't figure it out at first. He would point to the hallway. I would think perhaps he was seeing "someone" there that I couldn't. (I am a big believer in the fact that children can "see" things that "we" can't see, like maybe ghosts or something.) (I need to post about that..... oh wait, I already did. See my 12/4/05 post "Pics of Tyler.")

So anyway, here are the faces that Tyler is now scared of, dust and all.



He will stand in the living room, point to the hallway, and give this pathetic whiny crying sort of thing. I literally have to take his hand, console him that it's ok to walk through the hallway, and then he'll go. He won't go back and forth in the hallway anymore without me holding his hand and telling him it's ok.

Cute, huh? I think so. :)

STILL pissed about this "holiday" crap

I just wanted to make a few things clear here. I am not a religious fanatic by any means. Heck, I haven't even been to church since I was a kid, but I just want what's right for my child, and that is to have some of the great memories that I had as a child. I don't think it's fair for the majority to be being "outvoted" or pushed to the background because of the minority of folks. Heck, I'm all for freedom of religion, and for everyone believing what they want. But does that mean that we have to give up OUR rights and OUR celebrations? I just don't think it's fair that the majority are getting pushed out. I mean, Christmas is our time of the year. Yes, there are other religions who celebrate this time of year too, but don't go changing our traditional songs, and don't go re-teaching our children altered lyrics to those songs, and don't go trying to tell us that we can't say, "Merry Christmas." I swear, it's getting to the point where it's almost a dirty phrase, and I think that's sick. Again, I think everyone has the right to choose what they want as their religion, and how they want to celebrate it, but don't go trying to put the main celebration (which is Christmas) on the back burner.

Pissed about this "holiday" crap

Tonight at my Mother's, an ad came on tv (one of the main networks, don't remember which) that played Brenda Lee's old song "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" only it had CHANGED the lyrics (I am talking DUBBED) from:

"Rockin' around the Christmas tree at the Christmas party hop..."

To:

"Rockin' around the holiday tree at the holiday party hop..."

I am NOT kidding you. I heard it with with my own ears. Is this ridiculous? When are we, the MAJORITY, going to stand up and stop this madness? This is OUR country. Not theirs. I don't mean any disrespect for other religions, but why are WE succumbing to other religious beliefs to the point where OUR beliefs are being pushed completely out. I swear, it is just getting so out of hand. When I hear this "Happy Holiday" crap, I usually say back to them, "Merry Christmas." I even asked one of the cashiers in Target the other day when she wished me "Happy Holidays" if she had been told by her management to not say "Merry Christmas." She was a trainee, and her trainer quickly popped up and said that she hadn't been in any meetings that had told her to do so. I am sorry, but I just didn't believe her. I think she was trying to cover for what the trainee cashier might have said. I could be wrong, but.....

It just pisses me off that this is OUR country, and why are we so damned scared of offending other religions? Are we that scared of the Muslim community? I mean that is really when all of this strange crap started... after 9/11. Yes, we had some rather annoying "political correctness" crap before then, but it has since then gotten really out of hand.

I just wish that the majority would stand up and say something.

I think I will send an email to the network that sponsored that ad. I'm pretty sure it was the station that aired the Dallas football game tonight because that is what we were watching at the time. I was literally astounded to hear that this song, which I've heard for years, would have the words dubbed like that. Who are they trying to impress? And it wasn't like it was someone else singing it. It was the ORIGINAL Brenda Lee song, with the lyrics changed. Is she still alive, and did she give permission for them to do that? Or did her relatives who have rights to the song give that permission?

REALLY, I am so pissed off about this.

Robert was telling me the other day about this, where they changed the "Silent Night" lyrics to this:

Cold in the night,
no one in sight,
winter winds
whirl and bite,
how I wish
I were happy and warm,
safe with my family
out of the storm.

Now, is that ridiculous or WHAT?

I'm so pissed right now, I'm going to just leave it at that. Typing more would just be redundant and make me more angry..

UPDATE:
Here's what I just sent to CBS:
"We had just gotten done watching the Dallas Cowboys game Sunday night when an ad came on that had Brenda Lee's old song "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" song playing in the background. I don't remember what it was advertising, but apparently the lyrics had been changed to "Rockin' Around the HOLIDAY tree at the HOLIDAY party hop." I don't know who has done this to an age-old song, but I, as a Christian, was extremely OFFENDED by the fact that the lyrics to this song had been changed. We are the majority here in this country. Christians deserve some respect too. I am tired of us succumbing to all the other religions, and in the process, many Christians are put out. I am so sorry to hear that CBS has succumbed to the pressure of this "political correctness" as well. It is a sad state of affairs when we have to change every little thing to exclude the words "Christmas." I'm very disappointed."

Every Effin Night

Yep, this is the typical thing most nights. Here is Robert falling asleep on the couch. And he wonders why we never "do it."


Notice the remote in the hand.



Yes, the head is farther back now, and the mouth is wide open. Still has the remote. Don't want to lose the remote.



About 10 minutes before I shot this picture, he actually came into the computer room and told *me* that I should go ahead and come to bed. Now who's the one who is falling asleep here?

Homicide Detective Needed

The last two days Robert has been at home due to this "snow event" (which is another story, see previous two posts). He has been mostly playing computer games and sitting on his ass, while I do my usual thing of taking care of Tyler. I had thought that with him being home that he'd want to spend a little more time with Tyler. He has spent *some* additional time with him, but not a lot more than if he hadn't been home at all. Most of the last two days has been me telling him to get off the damn computer. He's been playing Poker tournaments on-line (which means he CAN'T get off the computer because he has "real" money invested), or Mah-Jong, or some other word game he found today which I hadn't seen before. It's just a real pain in the ass. I can't wait for him to go back to work. He is driving me nuts. I thought maybe I'd get a little break. Yeah right. So tonight, he says let's watch something together on tv. I said ok, but first we need to clean up some of these toys scattered all over the living room. I proceed to start picking them all up (like I do continuously throughout the day every day), and he sits on his ass and watches me. I said why can't you help? (I'm not using quotes because it's faster to type, even though I know how to correctly use them.) He says he's on vacation. I said oh really, so that's been the deal the last 2 days, you're on vacation? I asked when do I get a vacation? He says February (meaning when I go to Mexico). Then he mentions Wisconsin (I went and visited my Dad in August I think it was - and it was no vacation - I refer you back to the posts of that timeframe. I mean, yes, it was a vacation, but it was a lot of work too with Tyler.) So, all in all the last few days have been like he wasn't here at all. I am so silly to think that just because he's been home due to inclement weather that he'd be any additional help. Oh, yeah, so about the toys being picked up. He says he is "on vacation" and of course I mention my poor back (yes, I have a long history of back problems), and the whole time I'm nagging about how my back is hurting, he's watching "Dog Eat Dog" on the tv. Just now (I'm barely able to type this) he comes in and says what are we going to watch on tv. I said we can watch something. He is actually in there folding a load of laundry and says how he is in there "slaving" and doing "my job" and how I'm in here on the computer. I know he only does that shit to get to me. He doesn't seriously "mean" it in the sense of "meaning" it. You'd have to know Robert. He loves saying or doing shit just to get a reaction. So I live with it. I endure his stupid sense of humor. He thinks it's funny. He'll get that little quirky smile on his face, with the dimples on the cheeks when he thinks he's being funny. Yeah right.

So, about that homicide detective? Send him my way. We may need him.

Snow Event 2005

Here's the "snow" we got yesterday and last night. This is enough to shut down most of the Dallas/Fort Worth area.




Granted, the roads are pretty icy, but c'mon people!

Snow, yeah right

I was SO looking forward to today and seeing all this "snow" we were supposed to get. Well, the precipitation was not at all what I expected. I need to learn to stop getting my hopes up for this stupid Texas weather. For months now, I've been so disappointed when I thought we were supposed to get some rain. Now, I'm disappointed because I really wanted Tyler to see a little bit of white stuff on the ground. Instead, we got some nasty old wet, frozen rain/sleet and that will turn to ice tonight and it will just make the roads yucky and possibly even close down his daycare tomorrow, which he loves (and I've paid for).

Just wanted to get that off my chest. Texas can really be the pits.

Baking Soda Addiction

For about 6 months now, I have been addicted to brushing my teeth with baking soda numerous times per day. I probably brush my teeth no less than 6-8 times per day. When I say "brush" I don't mean literally brushing my teeth every time. It is usually a couple of regular brushings, and then in between, I will go in there and just get the taste of baking soda in my mouth. I spit most of it out, but some of it I chew on and will swallow. I know that sounds gross. Apparently, I'm not the only one though:

See this link for some really weird crap.

So I read some of what is in this link here, and to me, it sounds a little bit over the edge. Yes, it's a macrobiotics web site. Nothing wrong with that, but there's no way I'd ever live a macrobiotics lifestyle.

All I can say is it's good to know I'm not the only one. I wonder if I'm short on iron or something. I know it's a strange practice to do this, but it's a compulsion. Right now, I am CRAVING, yes CRAVING like you wouldn't believe, to go in there and get that baking soda in my mouth. And I will do it as soon as I'm done typing this. Isn't this the strangest thing you've ever heard of?

I do have to wonder if it has anything to do with my guilt over smoking because it seems that more often than not, my compulsion to use the baking soda is after smoking a cigarette. It's like I want to get that taste out of my mouth, almost like it's making me feel like I'm not a smoker. I know I have tremendous guilt about smoking and how it might shorten my life and I won't be able to spend those years with Tyler, my precious jewel and miracle child. I don't know if that is part of it or not, but it's something I've thought about.

And now that I'm reading back over what I've just typed, I feel like I should just delete this post. Like you all don't think I'm weird enough already.

What is it with men?

So, Tyler has a pretty good bedtime routine. He gets his bath, he gets some books read to him, and he goes to bed. Very easy, very simple. The reading of the books is something that is supposed to "calm" him down. Robert doesn't seem to understand this. He was doing the book-reading tonight (usually it's me) and he calls me in there to ask me what Tyler is doing "this" for. The "this" was the taking of his books off the bookshelf and stacking them up in stacks. I said, well, he is doing it because he can do it, and I can't believe you just laid there and watch him do it. I had to explain to him (again) that this is not playtime, it is bedtime, and stacking books is not part of his bedtime ritual. The whole time Robert is smiling. I told him he wasn't helping me teach him anything about going to bed. I had to explain that it is "calm-down" time, not playtime. Why do I have to explain that to him? It's like I'm raising two children sometimes. I have to tell him things a lot of the time that I don't feel like I should have to tell him. Men are such babies themselves.

Maybe he thinks because he doesn't see him all day that when he gets home, it is playtime. I think he thinks that's the case. I can't tell you how many times I have to tell him that it is "calm-down" time. Tyler can get pretty wound up when he's tired. I try to calm him down when it's bedtime. Robert will come in after work and he will want to play with him. That's all fine and good, if it's like 6:00 in the evening, but if I take Tyler to Mother's and don't get home until 8:00, then that is time to wind down, not play real hard. (sigh) I can appreciate that he's excited to see him, but who is the adult here, and who is looking out for the best for the child?

Pics of Tyler

Ok, let's see if Blogger will be nice to me tonight.

Just about asleep.

Hugging bunny one last time.

Eating and sleeping at the same time (notice he's chewing?).









And while I'm at it, here are some pictures of Tyler last night (when it was still 70 degrees out! And today it was in the 50's and is going to be near freezing tonight.) He was eating his dinner in his booster seat on the patio chair. He kept looking up at "something" for the LONGEST time, and kept pointing and smiling. Mother was there, and so were Robert and Rick. None of us could figure out what in the world he was pointing to, other than the lights on the patio, which he sees all the time. Mother and I think that animals and small children must have a special gift of seeing things that "we" don't. Like ghosts or something. We like to think that he was seeing perhaps my grandma and granddad (on my dad's side of the family). I wouldn't put it past either of them to come back and see Tyler. Mother and I talk about how much they would've both LOVED Tyler to death, and how unfortunate it is that they both passed before he was born. Well, I take that back. My Granddad did get to see Tyler when he was about 6 months old, but it was from a stroke-induced state in a hospital bed where he was not able to talk, walk, feed himself, etc. We don't know for sure how much he really knew of what was going on, although I will never forget the look of absolute glee when I brought Tyler in that room. Everyone around said that they hadn't seen a smile like that on his face in like, forever. Anyway, the following pictures are what we believe to be Tyler looking at his great-grandparents.

Journal entry to my son

Since I've been so bad about updating my blog, and Tyler's Journal, I've at least updated one of them, so here is a copy/paste of the journal entry for today.

The last few days, you’ve woken up around 6 or 6:15 (that isn’t the unusual part) saying something like, “eh-heh mama, eh-heh mama, eh-heh mama” over and over again. It isn’t a laughing sound, it is exactly how I typed it. I don’t know what it means, but it’s cute, even if it is WAY too early in the morning!

Apparently, all cats are named Ops, or “Ah” as you say it. It doesn’t matter what cat it is, they are all “Ah.”

And Nana is not Nana, she is apparently “Awa.” We’re just glad you’re calling her something.

I’m concerned about you knowing your colors. It’s strange that you know all your letters and numbers and shapes (and have for quite some time now), but when I quiz you in the same manner with the board puzzles, you simply refuse to consistently pick up the colors like you do with the numbers, letters, and shapes. It’s probably too soon to worry about color-blindness, but it does concern me, as it would any mother I’m sure.

You are definitely starting to merge into the “terrible twos” phase. I had hoped you’d be immune to that, considering what a beautiful, well-tempered infant you were. But you are showing your independence more and more each day, and you are testing how far you can push me. I had to call Nana in the other day to see if SHE could have a strong enough “authoritative voice” to get you to pick up your magnetic letters. Granted, picking up the letters wasn’t the point, and it was not very consequential, but you have to learn to mind me. Between the two of us, and a lot of crying on your part, you eventually picked up your letters off the patio floor. It wasn’t a pretty sight. Not many of your little “fits” are a pretty sight. And the running from me has got to stop. I’m trying desperately to teach you to come to me when I call you. The other day I told you a few times if you didn’t come to me, we were going inside. I know you think it’s a game. But it can be such an important thing that you react when I call you. What if a car were coming, and I called you, and you jerked your hand away from me, and ran in front of the car. So I’m doing it for your own good. Anyway, when you didn’t come to me in the backyard the other day, I gave you a few warnings, and when you didn’t come, and instead, kept running, I physically had to PICK YOU UP (no small chore) and bring you inside, explaining to you that you have GOT to start listening to me. I guess I’ll have to keep doing that until it sinks in.

You are completely obsessed with your bunny and your magnetic letters these days. I even had our Christmas pictures taken with me, you, and bunny. They turned out real cute. The letters and the board puzzles, and at times, the coloring book, are your thing these days. You have shown that in your artistic talents of the crayons on the walls, doors, glass entertainment center door, etc. I finally got smart and bought WASHABLE crayons, which I didn’t even know existed until I saw them in the toy department one day.

You don’t cry anymore when I take you to daycare, which is a good thing, I think. It is good because, yes, you are getting used to having someone else (2 others really) care for you, but then again, I feel a little “shunned” or “pushed aside” when you just casually walk in and give me a fleeting goodbye wave. I definitely am happy that you are liking school though, really.

The other day, you were still getting over the croup, and you were really tired while I was trying to feed you lunch. You were eating and sleeping at the same time in the high chair. And, of course, you would not eat your lunch without having bunny next to you. Here are some pictures. It was sooo precious!

Ok, so blogger isn't letting me upload an image. I'll try again later.

Not-So-Pleasant Arboretum Trip

Today we went to the Arboretum. What an unpleasant day it was. Tyler has started being a pain in the butt sometimes when we go places. I know he was tired and ready for his nap (or close to it) by the time we got there. I'm making excuses sort of. But he really has GOT to learn when we are out someplace that it's ok to sleep in his STROLLER. For Pete's sake (whoever he was). (As soon as we left, he was fast asleep in the carseat. This has been an issue with us for some time as some of you may remember.) It was just a very grueling trip to the Arboretum. We'd have him in the stroller, and he would whine to get out. We'd let him out and want him to walk with us, and he wouldn't stay next to us. He has GOT to learn to mind when we tell him to come to us. He would try to pick the flowers and the plants. He'd be trying to walk in the middle of the plants. He would run in the opposite direction. When we'd call him, he would run even faster. Robert was ready to leave almost as soon as we got there, which also started to cause discontent. At one point, we were rounding this path. Tyler took off across the grass, so Robert went with him, and they were walking, Robert sort of in front, and Tyler along this wooded area. To me, it just looked like a set of trees and woods at first. Then when I rounded the path in this one area and looked back at them, it looked like *possibly* a ravine area. There was a break in the trees at this one part, and I got a flash of Tyler rolling down through this ravine, into God knows what. I hollered out "ROBERT!" really loud. He of course took it like I was yelling *at* him, not that I was hollering in FRIGHT (which I was). When you see your child's life flash in front of you, you holler something. You don't just stand there speechless. So then it became an issue of "If you are going to scream at me in public like that, I'm going to leave and go sit in the truck." Then the silent treatment. It was a bad day. We should've just stayed at home. I still don't know if it WAS a ravine or not, but I surely didn't want to see him fall into that area, and he was right on the edge of it.

I have got to figure out how to make Tyler MIND when we are in public. He needs to learn that when I call him, he needs to COME to me, not run the opposite direction. It was so completely frustrating today.

My Mother says I don't use a stern enough voice with him. I believe she's right, but I don't want to feel like I'm always yelling at him. She says I don't have to *yell* at him, but just use a sterner voice, and even swat him sometimes. Occasionally I do swat his legs or his butt or his hands when he keeps getting into something he shouldn't. I always feel bad about it afterwards. I certainly never beat my child. Occasionally, I do think that the only thing that gets his attention is a good swat to the hand. The swat to the butt is never helpful. With a diaper, it is nothing to him, and he usually laughs. I just want him to mind. He is very headstrong and is starting to want to do what HE wants to do (he will be 2 in January). It is really getting to the point where, like today, if he doesn't start minding or coming when I call him, it could be life-threatening. And apparently, my dealing with it in a "nice" way isn't working.

As for the issue with Robert, well, that was just totally ludicrous. He started doing his usual "silent treatment" crap, and walking way ahead of us. Then when I asked him if he'd take our picture in front of this other flower display, he's like, "I'm done taking pictures." Whatever. I kept explaining to him ad nauseum that I wasn't yelling AT him... that I was yelling his name in FRIGHT. I literally could picture Tyler rolling down some terrible ravine. There was a section very close by that was way downhill. It could've been part of it. I couldn't tell for sure. I just know my first gut instince was to holler his name. What a thing for him to focus on.

Anyway, all seems to be well right now. I guess he's over it. I think it will be awhile before we head to the Arboretum again though. Maybe next year when Tyler is older and more well-behaved.

Dementia, or something like it

When I was growing up, Grandma was one of the most energetic people I've ever known. She was always doing something. She kept a meticulous house. She would have me help her with the curtains. "Help me take down the curtains so we can wash them." She would be cleaning the floor, dusting the furniture, hanging the clothes out, washing the windows, picking vegetables from the garden. There was nothing better than grabbing a beefsteak tomato from her garden, along with the salt-shaker, and eating that tomato straight from the garden. But, I digress.

This all took place at her house on Keller Ave. in Norfolk, Virginia. I grew up in Virginia until I was 15 years old. She has since sold that house and moved in with my Mother and Fred. That was 25 years ago. According to Fred, she was fine for the first 7 or 8 years that she lived with them. When I say fine, I mean still able to fix food for herself, get herself to the bathroom on her own, do a little house-keeping while Mother and Fred worked, that sort of thing.

She has slowly started getting worse, as you can imagine. She is now 91 years old. I remember not so many years ago though, saying, "Well, her physical problems might be getting to her, but at least she still has her mind. She is still just as sharp as a whip." And she was. For many many years. Her physical problems were her only limitation. You could still sit and talk with her about things that had happened yesterday, or things that had happened 20 years ago. It didn't matter. Even Grandma knew stuff that you had forgotten about. She still occasionally will bring up something that just blows your mind. Something that you've completely forgotten and then remember when she tells you. There are also things she remembers that you don't even recall! Just like it was yesterday to her.

She stayed with me for a week in late October while my Mother and Fred went on vacation to Puerto Vallarta. She spent most of the time while here in the bed. I thought it was perhaps because she was bored being here. Plus, she had bronchitis the whole time, so I figured, hey, she just isn't feeling well. I didn't realize just how much time she spends in the bed on an everyday basis though. I now know that this is not unusual, whether she's here or at home. (And it's not like I don't visit my folk's house enough. I'm there usually 2-3 times/week or more. And it's not like I don't talk to my Mother enough. I mean, we talk every day if not on the phone, certainly on email. But I had never asked the question, "How many hours does Grandma spend in bed each day?" so therefore no one had ever volunteered that information.) She probably is only up and out of the bed for 4 hours per day. And that is on a good day. When she was here, she'd sleep from after dinner, 7 or 8 p.m., until 8 or 9 the next morning, get up, eat breakfast, go back to bed. Breakfast is exhausting to her. Then she'd sleep until 2:00 in the afternoon or maybe 3:00, when I'd wake her up to see, Grandma, don't you need SOMETHING to eat? She may eat a piece of cheese toast at that point, if we're lucky. Or a Slim Fast. Or one day I got her to eat a jello fruit cup thing. Or a Hot Pocket. Or some soup. Then it was back to sleep until dinner. Then it starts all over again.

What am I getting to with all this? Well, a long, drawn-out story is what this is going to be. Get a cup of coffee if you wish to keep reading.

So, for years, her body was deteriorating, but the mind was ok. During the last few years, her mind has started going too. We have thought for some time now that she has probably had a number of what we call "mini-strokes." Her speech in the mornings, or whenever she just wakes up, would be slurred. Barely discernable what she was saying. In the last few months, it has gotten really worse. There were times when she was here that I had to ask her several times to repeat something.

Since they got back from vacation, her mind has gotten even worse. Fred deals with it during the day while Mother is at work. Mother deals with it in the evenings and on the weekends. It's becoming too much for both of them to deal with. Here are some things that they've had to deal with over the last few days:

1. My Mother had been wanting to give my Grandma a bath since she got back from Mexico. Baths consist of Grandma sitting on a bath chair in the tub. Sunday, my Mother told her she was going to give her a bath, but that she needed to eat first. She got Grandma to the bathroom, and then went to get her food ready. When she came back, Grandma had taken off her shoes and socks (she has to have them on to walk around in, even in the house), and she had SOMEHOW (we don't know exactly how) gotten herself into the bathtub, onto the chair, fully clothed. My Mother asked her what she was doing in the tub with all her clothes on. She said she thought she was getting a bath. Mother said, no, we are going to do the bath LATER, but you have got to eat first. Then she managed to get her out of the tub, back onto the toilet seat, and was trying to get her shoes and socks back on. She couldn't get her to lift her foot enough to get the socks back on, because Grandma was still so preoccupied with whether she was getting her bath right then. "Momma, can you *please* lift your foot so I can get your sock on." "But I'm getting a bath now, right?" "No, you need to EAT first, then we will get your bath."

2. Yesterday at 3:00 a.m., my Mother was awakened by a call from my Grandma from her room. When she went in there, Grandma had pulled out a bunch of clothes from her closet, and her purse contents were all over. Grandma wanted Mother to find her a pair of shoes to match the brown dress she had pulled out. When Mother asked her why, she said it was for the party that was going on. Mother explained to her there was no party, and that it was 3:00 in the morning, and that she'd *like* to go back to bed. Mother never did get back to bed. Quite the early morning.

3. According to Fred, who watches out for her during the day, Grandma has insisted all day that there's a party going on. She insists she's heard me and Tyler out there (in the living room). She thinks the doorbell is ringing with the people from the party. She thinks a bunch of people are in the backyard eating collard greens. She was trying to get to the door in time to answer the doorbell, but she said she had to pee first so hadn't gotten to the door. She also wanted to know if Paul (friend of the family) and his sister (whom she has never met, and she died 3-4 years ago) were coming to the party. Fred told her there was no party going on in the backyard and that noone was eating collard greens.

4. Fred had come in to check on her today and was fixing himself some lunch. Next thing he knows, she's hollering for him, "Fred! Fred! Help me!" and she was halfway down the hall, with no cane or walker, and had run out of "wall" to hang onto. He got her to her chair, she fell in (literally), and he then wanted to know why she was down the hall with no walker. She said she didn't know. He then asked her what she needed/wanted. She said she only wanted some ice cream. He got her that, and she only ate 2-3 bites. So all day she only had cream of wheat and then a couple bites of ice cream. When Mother got home, we all went back there (me, Tyler, Mother), and were trying to find out what she might want to eat. She didn't want anything she had to chew. So Mother decided she'd make her an egg. Grandma had already said she didn't want any bread, but as soon as the egg came, she wondered where the bread was. So, Mother got her a piece of bread.

5. There are 6 8X10-size pictures of Tyler on the wall in the living room. Once awhile back, she swore that this one picture of Tyler was moving, and that she saw him playing the piano in the picture. There is no piano in the picture. It is a stuffed animal sitting in front of him. And it certainly wasn't moving.

6. Today, she asked Fred, "Is that Paul's sister?" (pointing to one of Tyler's pictures). Again, she has never met Paul's sister, who has been dead for a number of years. And all the pictures are of Tyler.

7. She has started to think that Mother is charging her for items from the Wal-Mart list that she shouldn't be charging her for. Usually, Grandma pays for her personal hygeine products, her cereal, tea, stuff that is just *personally* for her. She also gives Mother and Fred $100/month. The rest of the food and utilities, they pay. So now she's getting paranoid thinking Mother is charging her for things she shouldn't be. Mother had to go over the receipt with her the other day, in excruciating detail, explaining what the charges were. And trust me, it isn't that Mother cares about getting paid for it. It's that Grandma won't give up on something that *does* get stuck in her head. And she wants to calculate it down to the PENNY. In recent years, this calculation thing has become a real headache because her mind has slowed down so badly. And she used to be a bookkeeper. So sad.

These are just *some* of the examples. Mother, what have I left off?

I really intended this to be sort of a tribute to my Grandma. I just fear that she doesn't have too many days left with us. Her blood pressure has been all over the board the last few days. The medication does work when she remembers to take it. I think the dosage needs to be upped though. She started wanting to go over insurance papers with Mother the other day when the BP was up so high.

I just wish my Grandma could be young again. Hell, I wish all of us could be young again. I hope I never get so old where people have to take care of me the way Mother and Fred are having to take care of her. I miss her already and she isn't even gone yet, at least not physically.

I hope when she does get to heaven that she has a great party with the perfect dress and the perfect matching shoes, and the most beautiful hairdo anyone has ever seen! I know she would like it that way.

Work is Good, Usually

Ya' know, I'm so glad Robert has a job. Otherwise, we'd be all in the poor house. But sometimes, especially lately, his job has taken precedence over anything else. Just now, I called him to find out when he thought he would be home, since I was starting dinner. He apparently sees a customer right in the middle of my asking this question, and says, "Oh there you are!" to the customer, then "Gotta go." to me, and hangs up. Excuuuuse ME??? Like a customer won't understand that you have to make a quick response to your significant other? I called him right back and simply said, "A better answer please?" He says, "Within the hour." Now was that so FUCKING HARD?

Then, this past Saturday was a good friend's wedding. Robert's known about this for weeks, months even. He knew he had to take care of Tyler. I really didn't want to deal with a squirmy 21-month old at a wedding. He even knew about it earlier in the week because Rick had offered to come out on Saturday to help him take care of Tyler, and Robert had acted like he didn't need the help. Friday night rolls around, and I mention to Robert how we (Mother and I) have to be out of the house by 10:00 in the morning because it's a really long drive to the wedding which starts at noon. He says he CAN'T watch Tyler because he scheduled work for in the morning. I almost lost my mind! What??? I said, well you better call Rick and go get him because I am NOT taking Tyler to the wedding, and I am NOT missing the wedding, and my Mother is NOT missing the wedding so SHE can watch him! I was PISSED. Then he gets all high and mighty about how he is doing this to "bring in revenue" to take care of me and Tyler. I told him to kiss my ass... bottom line is he went and got Rick and Rick watched him the next day. (By the way, he changed his first poopy diaper in 20 years - I was so proud of him!) Thank God for Rick.

Poor Neglected Blog

I know I've been so neglectful of my blog lately. I just haven't had the motivation to do much. After taking care of my grandma for a week and Tyler and I being sick for awhile, I just didn't have the strength. I find I'm so tired these days, no matter how much sleep I get. I know I'm due for my thyroid checkup in December, so maybe the dosage needs to be adjusted. Probably not. It's probably a little bit of depression setting in. I'm just a little tired of relying on Robert to foot the bill for everything. And he is driving me nuts at times too. I am soooo grateful for what he does for us. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be able to stay home with Tyler. I'm just not used to relying on anyone. I always took care of myself, and sometimes others (read: lazy ass boyfriends)... I guess it was my turn for someone to take care of me. But I don't like it. It makes me feel guilty.

Tyler is doing some of the cutest things these days. Especially his dancing. What an adorable, beautiful, wonderful child I have. I couldn't have asked for more. I can't believe he's going to be 2 years old in January. That is another thing that is making me sad too. On the one hand, I'm looking forward to him getting a little bigger so he can start talking more to me, but on the other hand, it is so sad how quickly he's growing up.

My grandma hasn't been doing well lately. Her blood pressure has been really high. Mother has been giving her some of *her* bp pills, which help, WHEN she remembers to take them. She's doing a lot of "goofy" stuff too, which is driving my Mother nuts. Today, she got in the bathtub with her clothes on, thinking Mother was going to give her her bath. She's really so confused sometimes. It's so tough on my Mother. She is a saint.

I really have so much more to type. But all I want to do is go lay down in the bed. Hopefully, I'll type more within the next day or two and not neglect poor ol' blog for so long again.

Everything Hurts

I now have no less than 17 bumps on each hand. The bumps on my feet are appearing faster than I can count them. It hurts to walk. It hurts to do anything with my hands. It hurts to eat. It hurts to talk. And to top it off, my butt now has some pimple-looking things (or so Robert says) which are mildly uncomfortable. Oh, and also, my "bad" knee where I had surgery years ago is slightly swollen where they put the staple in, making it harder to walk. This Really Sucks. WTF?????????????? And my Mother is going on vacation Sunday to Mexico, so she is dropping my 91-yr. old Grandma off here this afternoon to stay with me for a week. I need to change the sheets on the bed and make room for her "stuff" on my nightstand. Robert needs to clear a spot for her suitcase. Grandma is sick too with a cold or bronchitis. Should be a real fun week. Anyone got any good drugs they can give me?

Hand-Foot-Mouth Disease

Well, the pediatrician may not want to call it this, but he does suspect that Tyler has something very similar to this. He said this to my inquiry about whether he may have this or not: "Without blisters on the hands and feet, we can’t call it that, but I suspect this is at least an illness very similar to that."

What got me to thinking he may have this disease was that I noticed a white "ulcer" on his tongue this morning. I knew my tongue had been sore since yesterday, but I thought maybe I had just been doing something "weird" in my sleep, like maybe sucking or biting my tongue. I already have to wear a night-guard when I sleep because otherwise, I would grind all the enamel off my teeth at night, or I'd break my porcelain veneers from the grinding. So when I noticed his "ulcer" this morning, I immediately started doing some internet research, first typing in "mouth ulcers" and that eventually lead to a link to Hand-Foot-Mouth disease (which by the way is NOTHING at all to do with the similar-sounding “foot-and-mouth disease”, which is a disease of cattle and is not related at all).

I have looked at his hands and feet, and he doesn't appear to have any bumps. He does still have some red bumps on his knees, but they appear to be subsiding. We initially thought it was maybe chicken pox. They say that HFMD is commonly mistaken for chicken pox. I can see why.

*I* now have not only "ulcers" on both sides of my tongue and inside my mouth, but also this afternoon, I noticed that bumps appeared on my palms (8 of them total) which feel like blisters. Then tonight, all of a sudden, I have 2 bumps that feel like blisters on the heels of my feet. So it definitely sounds like whatever he has, I've gotten also! At least it's not life-threatening, right? I know that eating has been difficult for the last 2 days (my tongue is so sore, and the inside of my mouth). I can see now why Tyler hasn't wanted to eat many solids for the last week, if he is feeling anything like I'm feeling.

I pulled the following symptoms from here:

Main Symptoms
· Small painful ulcers in the mouth, especially on tongue and sides of mouth (in all children). We both have ulcers in our mouth.
· Small, thick-walled water blisters (like chickenpox) or red spots located on the palms, soles, and webs between the fingers and toes (70%). I have spots on my palms and now my feet.
· 1 to 5 water blisters per hand or foot. I have 4 bumps on each hand that feel like blisters.
· Small blisters or red spots on the buttocks (30%). Tyler has this.
· Low-grade fever 100° to 102°F (37.8° to 39°C). Tyler HAD this when he was running a fever.
· Mainly occurs in children age 6 months to 4 years. He's in this age group.

So, as much as I like this pediatrician, and I trust his judgement, I seriously think we could "call" it HFMD. He just doesn't want to "call" it that due to Tyler not having bumps on his hands and feet. I think that sometimes these diseases affect people a little differently. Just because the typical location is a little off, that doesn't mean it isn't it. Hey, I'm no doctor, but it sure sounds like it to me. I read a bunch of other stuff at various web sites, and no matter what I kept reading, I was thinking, yep, sounds like it!

Oh well, at least we'll get over it. Apparently, there isn't really a treatment for it, other than symptomatic treatment, since it's a viral infection of sorts. It's typically not life-threatening, so we'll be ok. Isn't it weird though that it appears I've got it too? It happens in adults, but it just isn't as common. Of course it figures I'd be one of the few adults to contract it.

Oh, and by the way, when I mentioned this to the lady at his new childcare place, she immediately said it sounded like hand-foot-mouth disease. In my mind, I pushed that possibility out of the way, thinking, nah, it didn't sound like it to me. At the time, I had not seen the lesion on his tongue, and I had not shown any symptoms either. Turns out she may have been right! So this is what happens when he goes to daycare ONE TIME???? Can't wait to see what other strange stuff he picks up.

In Your Ear!

Today at lunch, Tyler was trying to stick food in his ears. He's never done this before. And you know, the bigger deal you make of something, the more they are going to do it. So, I tried being nonchalant about it, pulling his hand gently away from his ear. Everytime I'd do it, he'd look right at me with that cute little devilish look, and try to stick the food right back in his ear!

Maybe that's how he got his first ear infection this week. He's been sticking food in his ears when I wasn't looking! Come to think of it, the doctor DID pull a big wad of something out of his ear in the office on Tuesday. Ick.

Sick Tyler

Poor baby. He's been sick since Sunday. I took him to the doctor Tuesday, and he has a mild ear infection, plus a cold (which I already knew), plus a "yeast" diaper rash. So he prescribed antibiotics for the ear infection, and an ointment for his diaper rash. It's really weird looking. Red splotchy-looking bumps. Then, I noticed the next day that he had these bumps appearing on his KNEES of all places. I sent the following email to the pediatrician:

"The red spots that you looked at on Tyler's butt yesterday have now appeared on his knees of all places. Some of the ones on his knees even look like they are pus-filled. I've put some of the Oxistat cream on both areas (butt and knees), but I'm wondering if this is even part of the yeast diaper rash that you diagnosed. Why would it now be on his knees? What could this be? Allergic reaction? He's never had any problems with food allergies. What do you think? In addition, he now has a sore on his penis in the fold. I put peroxide and vaseline on that. It seems to be really bothering him when I get near it.

My poor child! First the ear infection and the cold, and now this stupid rash and the sore on his penis. Help! I will bring him back in today if need be."

I also sent him some pictures (which weren't that good). (I wish I could figure out why even the macro setting on my digital camera won't take clear shots up close. Probably that the camera is just not a wamma-jamma high-quality camera like Kami's.) Anyway, here is one of the best shots of his knee bumps:


Today, they appeared to be subsiding somewhat. Thank goodness! For awhile there, we thought it might be chicken pox. But the dr. didn't think so, mainly because he said that chicken pox usually starts on the back or chest. Plus, they didn't appear to be itching him. Anyway, quite the relief. I'm so ready for this boy to be on the road to recovery. It's been a rough week for all of us. I've practically had to force-feed him at every meal, which is unusual considering Tyler is usually a real chow-hound. And of course, along with not feeling well comes the whiney-butt clingy boy. It has been nice on the one hand though, in a selfish sort of way, because that means I get to cuddle him more than he EVER wants to be cuddled when he's well.

Tyler's In School, well sorta

Well, I finally signed Tyler up for a Mother's Day Out (MDO) program at one of the local churches. He really seemed to enjoy it. He did cry some right when I left, but he quickly got over it. Then about an hour or so later, one of the ladies called me (voluntarily - so sweet!) to tell me that he had not cried at all since I left. I thought that was very sweet of her to do that. It eased my mind. Then when naptime came, the other lady called me (again, voluntarily) to tell me he had gone right to sleep. I was shocked! I mean, he won't even sleep at his Nana's house. She said she had told him that after they eat, all the children go to take a nap, and then she told him, ok now, I'm going to lay you in the bed. He layed right down. She rubbed his back and his head a little bit, gave him his bunny, and he went right to sleep. He ended up sleeping only about 30 minutes, and when he woke up, she was there, and she told him he had to be real quiet because the other children were still sleeping, and she said he sat there just as good, real quiet, until she finally got him out of the crib about 45 minutes later. What a good boy! I didn't take as many snapshots as I wanted to when I was dropping him off. I did tape the whole thing though. Here are a few pictures, including the first lunch I packed for him, haha!





So far he has only been to the one class. He has since then gotten sick, so he didn't go at all this week. I called the director today, and she agreed to let me apply the money I spent this month to next month. It just seemed a shame to spend all that money for ONE day in MDO, ya' know? I thought it was nice of her to work with me like that. I will probably keep him out of school next week, except I might take him Thursday for their Halloween Parade where all the kids do a parade in their costumes. Sounds like a good photo opp to me!

Rush 2112 (cont.)

I thought I'd go ahead and post the remainder of the Rush 2112 lyrics for those of you who are interested. It really is a fascinating album. I know it word for word, but in the interest of time, I cheated and copied this from here:

[V. Oracle: The Dream]

'...I guess it was a dream, but even now it all seems so vivid to me. Clearly yet I see the beckoning hand of the oracle as he stood at the summit of the staircase...'

'...I see still the incredible beauty of the sculptured cities and the pure spirit of man revealed in the lives and works of this world. I was overwhelmed by both wonder and understanding as I saw a completely different way to life, a way that had been crushed by the Federation long ago. I saw now how meaningless life had become with the loss of all these things...'

I wandered home though the silent streets
And fell into a fitful sleep
Escape to realms beyond the night
Dream can't you show me the light?

I stand atop a spiral stair
An oracle confronts me there
He leads me on light years away
Through astral nights, galactic days
I see the works of gifted hands
That grace this strange and wondrous land
I see the hand of man arise
With hungry mind and open eyes

They left our planet long ago
The elder race still learn and grow
Their power grows with purpose strong
To claim the home where they belong
Home to tear the Temples down...
Home to change!

[VI. Soliloquy]

'...I have not left this cave for days now, it has become my last refuge in my total despair. I have only the music of the waterfall to comfort me now. I can no longer live under the control of the Federation, but there is no other place to go. My last hope is that with my death I may pass into the world of my dream, and know peace at last.'

The sleep is still in my eyes
The dream is still in my head
I heave a sigh and sadly smile
And lie a while in bed
I wish that it might come to pass
Not fade like all my dreams...

Just think of what my life might be
In a world like I have seen!
I don't think I can carry on
Carry on this cold and empty life

My spirits are low in the depths of despair
My lifeblood...
...Spills over...

[VII. The Grand Finale]

Attention all Planets of the Solar Federation
Attention all Planets of the Solar Federation
Attention all Planets of the Solar Federation
We have assumed control
We have assumed control
We have assumed control

------------------

WOW! If you have never heard it, go get it now! :)

Rush 2112

Ok, so you really want a piece a' me? You got a piece a'me here. Rush 2112. Who knows the storyline? Any of you? Huh? Well, when I've had enough to drink, I will sing it to whomever is in my realm. Now I'm thinking too much tonight. I'm dangling in space, wondering if I can type the next thought. Doing pretty good so far, huh? Wow. Ok, so you want a piece of me? Well it's about time you asked. Man this is hard to type. Too many backspaces to fix stuff. Well, 2112 is one of those songs that I always sing to people when I am drunk. I always try to get them tunderstand the meaning of it all, even though it is so open to interpretation, it isn't even funny. It is about what takes place in the year 2112. The Priests of Syrynx rule the world:

"We've taken care of everything--the words you read, the songs you sing--
the pictures that give pleasure to the eye.
It's one for all, all for one,
we work together, common sons,
never need to wonder how or why.

We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrynx.
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls.
We are the Priests of the Temples of Syrynx.
All the gifts of life are held within our walls."

That's how it starts. Then, this guy finds a guitar, and he plays with it, and he's thrilled, and he brings it to the Priests, and says,

"I know it's most unusual to come before you so,
but I've found an ancient miracle
I thought that you should know.
Listen to my music, and hear what it can do.
There's something here that's as strong as life
I know that it will reach you."

And they say,

"Yes we know, it's nothing new.
It's just a waste of time.
We have no need for ancient ways--
Our world is doing fine.
Another toy will help destroy
the elder race of man.
Forget about your silly whim.
It doesn't fit the plan."

And he says,

"I can't believe you're saying
these things just can't be true.
Our world could use this beauty.
Just think what we might do.
Listen to my music
and hear what it can do.
There's something here that's as strong as life.
I know that it will reach you. ."

The Priests:

"Don't annoy us further!!
We have our work to do.
Just think about the average--
What use have they for you?
Another toy will help destroy
the elder race of man.
Forget about your silly whim--
It doesn't fit the plan. Noooooo.

Then, lots of instrumentals...and then is where it gets really interesting and open for interpretation.

I LOVE THIS and always will. It's almost like this album is a PART OF ME AND WHO I AM. It is so weird how many poeple have simply heard of it, and not really HEARD it. And I love to sing its lyrics to anyone who wants to listen (and by the way to you grammar freaks like me, "its" is exactly as it should be in this instance: "its" is a possessive pronoun just like "him" or "her," and so there is no need for the apostrophe. Man I am a freak.). Especially when I've had a few.

Ok, so you want me to go on or shut up? The 2112 story isn't done yet. Yeah, as if I'll shut up and not finish later.

Ready to Work!

Here are some pictures of Tyler's new "work belt" or whatever you want to call it. Isn't he CUTE!!?? haha






And here he is with Rick's sunglasses on. Rick ADORES him, can you tell?


And then this one, I just like for some reason, but I am not sure why.

Turn your back for a second!

Here's what happens when I turn my back for a second. Also, it happens when *I* forget to take up the cat food. So, it really is *my* fault, not Tyler's. He just can't help himself.


And here's another picture that I've been meaning to post. I bought this chair for Tyler. I thought he would be really comfy in it. He doesn't sit in it much, but Ops, the Cat, does.

Really Freaky Picture

Ok, am I the only one that is freaked out by this picture from my digital camera??? You can see right through Tyler's head to the picture on the wall!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Child The Genius

Ok, so he definitely IS a genius, but can someone explain to me why his latest thing is hitting his hand on the table (or whatever), then looking at me and doing a 2-second "whine" and then forgetting about it? I keep telling him, "Then don't DO that and it WON'T HURT." but he doesn't seem to understand this. Can someone also please tell me why, no matter how many times I holler at him to NOT throw ALL of his books out of his bookcase at once, he continues to do it, day in and day out? I cannot tell you the number of things I pick up, over and over, each day. I mean, the same items, all of his toys, over and over and over again... and I do try to get him to help, and he does help - sorta - but it just never ends. I don't know why he has to have ALL of his toys scattered all over the house at the same time. I know. You are saying, but Carole, he is only 20 months old. I know. I know. I know. But I am NOT 20 months old. And it is extremely irritating. And back-breaking.

Gawd, I love that boy so much!!! Someone pinch me.

New Season

I just have to say that THANK GOD that Lost and Desperate Housewives are back on. Now all I'm waiting for is "24" and American Idol. Then all will be right with my world.

What a Stoopid Thing to do

You aren't going to believe what I did. I thought for sure that the pick-up for the Divine Consign sale was tonight at 4:30. I don't know where I got that from. Apparently, it was last night. I guess I lost everything that I didn't sell. I've left a message with one of the ladies about if there is a place I can go to retrieve my stuff, but I doubt there's any way. It's probably all been donated since I didn't show up for pick-up.

Now what do I take to the Carrollton sale next week? I can't believe I did that. I am SO pissed at myself.

Boring Bored Boredest

I surely love being here with the most beautiful, sweetest boy in the world, but I don't know how much longer I can continue to keep him (and me) entertained. It is tough. I went to the Divine Consign sale last night and bought a bunch of new toys and books for him. I know, like he needed more toys. But he definitely is bored with the ones he has. I think I'll try to sell some of his older ones in next week's Divine Consign sale in Carrollton. I also got the toddler bed frame that Mother was wanting. So I guess she can use that and get a mattress rather than the tent idea she had earlier. It's a really simple, cute, metal frame mostly red with some other primary colors for the wrungs at the head of the bed. Really cute for $20.

On another note, one thing that is never boring is to have it out with Fred. See my entry at my Why Men Are Such Jerks blog. I'm still mad about that, but I'll get over it.

Another sleepless night

This time I've been up since 3:30. I gotta get some rest here one of these days. I think part of my problem is I am thinking thinking thinking about stuff. Like how I really want to get Tyler going in a Mother's Day Out program. I seriously think he's needing the social interaction with other children. Plus, that will give me time to get some sort of part-time job. That is another thing weighing on me. I'm just not used to having to get money from someone else all the time. Robert has been a real treasure putting up with me not working all this time. Rarely does he say anything about it. He just forks over the bucks. I really have to hand it to him for that. I do miss working (to some extent). It was apparent in Fry's the other day. Just looking around at all that geekdom made me long for the challenge of working in an IT environment. Of course, at the time, I hated it some days. I dreaded going to work. But taking care of a child can also have its moments. I think it is the mundane-ness (is that a word?) of the days. It's like the movie "Groundhog Day" where you wake up and every day is the same. Don't get me wrong. I love staying at home with Tyler. I love taking him to the few playdates we go to. I love meeting other moms and their children. But there are still days that are just so boring. And some days I don't know what to do with him to keep him occupied.

So, here I sit, pondering all of this stuff. MDO program or daycare or how about that lady I was going to call 6 months ago who lives up the street. After the Divine Consign sale, I'm going to get more serious about doing what needs to be done for Tyler and I.

What do we do on Friday nights?

Well, actually, we don't usually do THIS, but tonight, we couldn't resist. Here is the most beautiful thing in the world. My son sleeping. No, I don't mean it that way. He is beautiful whether he's sleeping or awake. But I couldn't resist going into his room tonight and taking a couple of pictures. So here they are. God Bless Him.


Yes, I know I shouldn't have been shooting these! You think he'll remember? Nah...........

Lame Fort

Ok, I need some serious help with some of this mommy stuff. I thought it would be a cool idea during today's rainstorm to try to build Tyler and I a little "fort" in the living room. You know, something he could crawl through and feel like he was all cozy and cute and everything. Well, I know I don't have a creative bone in my body, so here's what I came up with. Someone help me, please.

The World's Worst Nightmare

Ok, so I've always been the type that has these wild dreams. I even talk completely legibly out loud in my sleep, and wake myself up at times in mid-sentence. Well, tonight tops them all I think. Which is why I'm up typing to get it out of my system at 3:30 a.m. Maybe I'll be able to sleep once I write this down.

I dreamt that I woke up in bed with Hal (who is a long-time friend of the family). I have no idea why Hal, but it was him. When I woke up, I asked him where I was, and what had happened. He said I had asked him to pick me up the night before. I asked where was Tyler. He said he assumed I had given Tyler to someone before he met up with me. He could not remember where I had had him pick me up. So of course, I figure, ok I must've dropped him off with Mother, or left him home with Robert. I called them, and they didn't have him. Tyler was with someone who I COULDN'T REMEMBER!!! Panic began to set in of course. I'm calling people left and right. One person was Robyn (must've still been taking place in O.B.?) and of course it was not her number (she had apparently moved again). I was completely freaking out, not being able to remember who I had left him with. It was the most horrible, panicky feeling imaginable. And the guilt! What kind of Mother was I to get so drunk and leave your child with a perfect stranger??? And what if this perfect stranger didn't have any way of contacting me? What if I never got Tyler back?

The kicker to this all is my Mother who was not really freaking out like you'd expect her to be. In the middle of all of this panic, we all go clothes shopping! Can you f---ing believe it? We are in the middle of this hoity-toity mall somewhere, and me, her, and Hal are all clothes shopping. She's holding up dresses and pants asking my opinion. Hal is doing the same. I'm frantically pushing this large cart through the store, trying to get the hell out of there so we can go look for Tyler, practically knocking people down in the process. At one point, I just put my hands in my head and was SCREAMING like I was losing my mind because I needed to be out figuring out where my SON was! I asked this one lady in a boy's clothing store if she had seen someone with a small infant boy with blonde hair, and she hadn't. Interesting that in the dream, he was still an infant. And this other lady who worked there asked me to leave. I said, "You don't know what has just happened to me!" and she said, "You don't know what you are doing to the store!" in other words, get the hell out you crazy lunatic.

I woke up (for real) with the worst kind of panic, like I had to figure this out. I had to try to remember WHO I had left him with, or worse yet, simply WHERE. In my dream, Hal had said that maybe I needed to go to hypnosis sessions in order to remember. I thought that might have to be my next step.

I cannot even imagine where this dream came from. I mean, it was the most heart-wrenching feeling to wonder where you have left your child. What the hell was that all about? And my Mother not being very concerned and we all go clothes shopping? AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Yes, I went in and checked on Tyler to make sure he was still there.

Katrina

These days, I know I'm different than I used to be about certain things I see on tv. I cry and get all upset about things these days that used to not upset me so much. I mean, they always upset me, but not to the point they do nowadays. I think it's a hormonal thing. Something about after giving birth, your hormones change and make you more emotional. It's weird because one of the first thoughts I had after the hurricane was, "Where are they getting diapers from?" I instantly thought of that because I know that would be one of my primary concerns. Next, I thought, where are they getting food for their infants who are not breastfeeding? It is so upsetting. I don't know what I'd do in their situation. Then you have people who wouldn't leave their homes because they didn't want to leave their pets. So sad.

A friend of ours who is from New Orleans (Roger) went there this last weekend to help his sister's husband's mother get stuff out of her house, which was full of water up to 6 feet. He said he would've been trying to get things out like paperwork, that sort of thing. She was pulling stuff like photo albums and VCR tapes out of this HORRIBLE mud stuff that was all in her house. Memorabilia that can never be recaptured. Her husband wanted the pictures of his dead parents. Stuff that you can never recover. They think they'll be able to salvage it somehow. I sure hope so.

Roger also said there were thousands of pets floating in the water. And the water was the most disgusting, smelly stuff he had ever seen. And people were drinking it he said! There is going to be so much disease from all this.

I know it was hard to get in to the city with support. Roger also said that the mayor or governor (can't remember) was not even sure she was supposed to proclaim a state of emergency or mobilize the support units (was it from FEMA?). That word has to come from them first, to the federal government. He watched a lot of news from there (somehow) and was just amazed at how little she knew about what her job was. So although I think it's partially the fed's problem that help wasn't there sooner, it's also in the hands of the local gov't too, and they failed big time.

Another from Roger: One parishioner wouldn't even let people from the next parish into his parish. He put sheriffs next to a bridge and told them not to let any of them in. He was trying to protect his parish from all the looting, plus he had no means of taking care of all of them. So, they all sat on the bridge with no food and water and some of them died.

Then there were the 100 or so people who died in a nursing home for lack of care I suppose.

And the people shooting at the helicopters who were trying to help them? What's up with that? A radio talk show host sas saying that a lot of this violence is due to the drug addicts who cannot get their fix now...and the first thing they did was go find guns. People are freaking out down there.

Enough of this for now. I can't take any more thinking or watching at this point.

Catching Up Just a Little

Yeah, yeah, so shoot me. I haven't blogged in awhile. Still getting caught up from the Wisconsin trip... plus I've been a little preoccupied with a case of poison ivy, which makes it hard for me to concentrate on anything. See picture of my chest area (don't get excited boys).


It's also been down my arms in spots, and started to hit my legs, so I went to the CareNow facility this morning and got a shot plus two prescriptions. One of the prescriptions knocks me out pretty good, so I'll be taking one of those in a little bit so I can get an actual REAL night's sleep for a change. The weird part of the whole deal is I'm not even the one that fell in the ditch. Tyler did. I either got it from him or the dog's fur. Probably from Tyler, since we promptly scooped him up and took him back to the house for a bath. I'm SO grateful he didn't get this. What an awful thing he would've had to endure. It's been a miserable existence the last week or so.

Other Tyler updates: He has started learning that he can scream in a very high-pitched voice. He thinks it's funny. I don't. He just laughs and laughs when he does it. I figure it's a phase he's going through and he'll soon get over it if I ignore it somewhat. Sweet baby! Gotta love him!

He has also been doing a lot of "feeding" everyone else, including people and animals since the Wisconsin trip. I mean, he did it somewhat before we left for our trip, but when he got there and finally got used to Woody the Dog, he would feed him incessantly. Now it is so much fun for him to hold things out for people to eat. So, most of the time, we'll take a piece, then tell him, ok, the next one is for you, You eat it. So cute!

I'm still working on getting all the pictures ready for posting. I've got all of Dad's renamed, cropped where necessary, hue and saturation adjustments where needed, brightness and less brightness where needed, so now I just have to do mine. Will keep you posted on when they're posted.

Cheers! Ready for the sleepy pill soon. Itching again! Argh.